Cravings of My Beloved
by Doxeh
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But can he handle a baby? NaruSaku Discontinued/permanent hiatus
1. Nachos N' Cheese&Supermarket Disaster

**A/N: Lolz gais, hi. This is a new idea of mine that has been done before, but I want to do anyway. So don't flame me going: 'TIZ BEEN DUN BFOAR, B URIGINAIL, DOOSH!!!!1', cause I honestly don't give a crap. **

**Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby?**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto…lmao, the list goes on. Tobi would be a good boy, not that evil Madara guy **(or he'd be Obito. I'm pushing for Tobito)**, Deidei-kun would be alive, Temari would move to Konoha, Naruto and Sakura would be together, Ino would accept her status as resident whore **(before you flame me, look at her Shippuuden outfit, and look at the way she obsesses over Sasugay and other guys, then come and talk to me about it)**, and Pein woudn't have used his Rin'Negan to transform into some Deidei lookalike. As you can see, none of that happened. So it's safe to say that I don't own Naruto. **

**A/N 2: Chapters might be short. Deal.**

**Month 1: Nachos n' Cheese and a supermarket disaster  
**

* * *

_Prologue_

Uzumaki Naruto, the Rokudaime Hokage, the hero of Konohagakure, has overcome countless hardships, faced off against almost every Akatsuki member, and even dealt with the Kyuubi nearly killing him. There was nothing that he couldn't handle.

So when the young Hokage was informed that his wife, Uzumaki Sakura, was having a baby, Naruto assumed that it would be a piece of cake. I mean, if he could deal with everything he'd already been through, then hormones, weird food cravings, morning sickness, and the other joys of pregnancy would be nothing. Oh boy, how wrong he was…

* * *

_Month 1_

"NARUTO! GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR!" Came the unforgettable voice of my beautiful, yet clearly hormonal wife, Sakura.

'Already? Jeez, she's not even a month pregnant, and the hormones are already kicking in. Why?' I, Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage of Konohagakure asked myself.

Groaning, I arose from my desk in my private study, and slowly trudged downstairs.

"Hai, Sakura-chan, what do you…?" I began to ask my wife, but was cut off by her demand.

"Cheese, Naruto. I need cheese. I can't have these nachos over here without cheese." She said happily, pointing to the enormous bag of Nacho Chips, as her mood drastically switched.

All was silent for a few moments…

"What the hell, Sakura-chan? You don't even fucking like nachos and cheese!" I shouted angrily at my wife.

"Since when did I not like nachos and cheese, Naruto?" Sakura lashed back, with equal anger, if not more.

"Since**always!** I've always heard you complain about how much you hate the stuff, and now you…you want me to go and get you some?" I asked incredulously.

"Hai. I do." Sakura said sweetly.

Sighing, I looked at my wife. "Alright, Sakura-chan. What **else** do you want me to do?" I asked her gently.

"I want you to go to the goddamn supermarket, and get me some goddamn cheese for my goddamn nachos! AND MAKE SURE IT'S SKIPPY CHEESE!" She shrieked, scaring me out of the mansion.

* * *

_At the local supermarket…_

' Christ, I can't fucking believe I'm here, looking for cheese for my hormonal wife…' I thought bitterly as I sifted through the aisles of the local supermarket, looking for the Skippy Cheese that my wife requested, well rather, forced me to get.

'Ah…damnit, I can't find it…Sakura-chan will…' I thought, terrified but those thoughts were interrupted by an all too familiar voice.

"Naruto-kun! What brings you here to this local supermarket?" Jiraiya, resident pervert, husband of the Retired Godaime, Tsunade, and writer of the ever popular 'Icha Icha' series asked me.

"Feh, hey Ero-Sennin. I'm just looking for Skippy Cheese for Sakura-chan…' I muttered.

"Skippy Cheese, Naruto-kun? Since when did Sakura-san eat Skippy Cheese?" Came the voice of another familiar voice. It was Tsunade, former Godaime, and Jiraiya's wife.

"Hey, baa-chan. Nice to see you too. Oh yes, I'm absolutely **fabulous.**" I grumbled, looking at the older woman resentfully.

"Anyway…why are you buying Skippy Cheese for Sakura? I didn't know she ate it." Tsunade asked me

"Well, Sakura asked for it." I replied.

"Why?" Both Jiraiya and Tsunade asked at the same time.

'Shit…nobody's supposed to know about this...if anyone finds out, then Sakura-chan's gonna **kill** me!' I thought. 'I need to think of an excuse, quick!'

"Be…because…Sak…Sakura now loves nachos and cheese…she's craving it now." I stammered nervously.

"Naruto-kun…come with me. We need to talk. Tsunade-chan, go look for what we need." Jiraiya said, pulling me towards the other side of the supermarket.

"So, Naruto…what did you do to her?" Jiraiya asked without preamble, grinning evilly.

"N…nothing! I didn't do anything, Ero-sennin! Shut up!" I stumbled nervously.

"Right…sure…Naruto…from the way you're acting, I think you did something to Sakura…" Jiraiya deduced.

"Well…if you're so sure, then what did I do?" I said, nervously, with a hint of confidence.

"You…you cheated on Sakura-chan with Hyuuga Hinata-san, of course!" Jiraiya concluded happily.

"Wh…wha…what? No, of course not! I didn't cheat on her, Ero-Sennin no baka; we're having a baby! She's pregnant, for God's sake! I'm here getting her cheese because she's craving the damn stuff! I didn't **cheat** on her!" I nearly shouted at my sensei.

"A baby, eh...why, congratulations, Naruto-kun!" Jiraiya grinned, congratulating me

"Th…thanks…" I muttered.

"**Hey, Tsunade-chan**!" Jiraiya shouted across the store.

"Ahh, Ero-Sennin, **what are you doing**?" I wailed, attempting to stop the pervert from revealing my secret.

"**What, Jiraiya?"** She called back across the store.

"**Sakura's pregnant! That means that Naruto's gonna be a daddy!"** Jiraiya shouted back to his wife.

"**Really? Congratulations, Naruto-kun!" **Tsunade shouted back.

"Thanks…baa-chan, thanks Jiraiya. Thanks a lot…" I muttered angrily, as I grabbed the cheese and stormed towards the cash register, trying to ignore the 'Congratulations, Hokage-samas', and the 'Way to go, Narutos' that the shoppers said to me. I quickly paid for the item, and left the store.

* * *

_Back at the Hokage's mansion..._

Panting heavily, I opened the door, and re-entered the house. I entered the living room to find my wife happily dipping nacho chips into a vat of ketchup.

"Wh…what the hell are you doing, Sakura-chan?" I asked my wife, shocked.

"What the hell were **you** doing, Naruto? What took you so long? How long does it take to go to the damn supermarket, and buy me my damned cheese?" She asked angrily.

"Uhm…hehe…I kind of saw Ero-Sennin and baa-chan there…and one thing led to another…" I began, as her expression changed to a look of curiosity.

"Well…what happened?" She asked me.

"Ero-sennin found out about the baby…and now the whole village knows…" I mumbled, bracing myself.

Sakura merely shrugged, took the cheese from my hand, and poured them all over her nachos.

"So?" She asked, popping one into her mouth.

"You…you don't care?" I asked, relieved.

"Not really." She replied, eating another nacho.

Sighing, I sat down next to my wife and pulled her into a hug, who returned it immediately. "I love you…" I murmured into her hair.

Swallowing her food, she replied with a quiet 'I love you' back, and kissed me passionately. I returned the kiss, with an equal amount of passion. After a few minutes, I pulled away.

"Jeez, Sakura-chan, how can you eat these nachos with ketchup? It's so nasty…" I muttered, trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

"Oh…you think it's disgusting, eh?" She asked me playfully, and promptly shoved a nacho in my mouth.

"Ew, Sakura-chan! I don't want to eat this! I'm not you, I'm not pregnant!" I shouted, spitting the nacho out.

"Oh, really. Well, thanks to you and your stupid boy penis, **I am. **So you'll have to eat the foods with me, just because of that." She replied, handing me another nacho.

I groaned, and reluctantly put the nacho in my mouth, and began chewing.

It sure was going to be a long nine months…

* * *

**A/N:****Lolz, did you guys see that Grey's Anatomy reference there? So, basically, Sakura's pregnant, and Naruto's not exactly excited. Every chapter will be about a month after the previous one, just to be clear. I also don't have a hardcore beta, and I'm frantically searching for one. So if you want to be my beta, just drop a review**

**Next Chapter: You want what? A penis?**

**Read**_Enjoy_Review


	2. You want what? A penis?

**A/N: I'm so happy! It seems that you guys already like the story. Seriously guys, seven reviews on chapter one of my very first story? You guys made my day, ily all. No, I promise I won't be like HOMFG 10 REVIEWS OR NO CHAPTER. Beware. This chapter includes penises. **

**Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. But I do own…Skippy cheese and…that's about it. And little baby Uzumaki hiding in Sakura's uterus XD. And Ino's name has officially been changed to 'Skankity Slut Slut'**(Courtesy of LittleKuriboh and my friend Iku)

**Month 2: You want what? A penis? **

* * *

_Month 2 _

Much to my happiness, the nachos and cheese craving passed. Gone were the days where Sakura shoved nachos drowned in cheese (and usually something else) into my mouth and forced me to eat it. I honestly hated eating all the food that Sakura wanted me to. I didn't deserve it. According to my wife, however, I 'brought it upon myself', and 'I could have avoided this if I didn't make that stupid comment about being pregnant.' Much to my dismay however, all I had heard from my wife lately, was how much she detested nachos and cheese.

"Jeez, Sakura-chan. Only recently, nachos and cheese was all you could eat. And now, all you talk about is how nasty the stuff is. Make up your mind." I scoffed as I pushed a closed bag of nachos off our bed.

"I'm pregnant, Naruto. I crave things. My mind switches randomly. I get to act like this." She replied, as she returned from throwing an unopened bottle of Skippy Cheese out the window.

"Well, in that case, I'm going out. Do you need me to get you anything?" I asked as I slipped on my Hokage robes and made my way downstairs. Sakura didn't respond until I had just reached the door, and was halfway in, halfway out.

"GET ME A THING OF PEAS, PLEASE! I'M CRAVING THEM!" She shouted down to me.

Me, being the lovable idiot that I am, completely misinterpreted what she said.

"YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A PENIS?" I shouted back, shocked at her request. Sakura was craving…penises? That was her…weirdest craving yet.

Sakura, thinking he said 'you want me to get you peas', replied back with a yes and turned on the TV.

How the bloody hell was I going to get Sakura a penis to satisfy her cravings? And more importantly, was I going to have to **eat** the penis with her? Groaning in fear, I made his way once again, to the supermarket

* * *

_Later... _

"Goddamnit, I can't find any penises anywhere! Not that I would be able to find them, I mean they're penises for crying out loud. Who the hell eats a penis?" I worried as I paced around the village, looking for the right store. All the villagers tried their best to ignore me, for I was clearly scaring them quite a bit. All of a sudden, I was jerked out of my thoughts.

"Hey, dobe! Why the hell are you pacing like that?" Came the voice of Uchiha Sasuke, who happened to be there at that very moment.

"Ah, hey Sasuke-teme. I'm pacing like this because Sakura wants me to get her penises. And since now I have to eat **all** of the foods she craves, I'm scared I'll have to eat the penises with her!" I wailed, talking incredibly quickly, and all in one breath.

"Easy, dobe. Breathe, and tell me the story slowly, so I can UNDERSTAND." Sasuke said, speaking slowly for emphasis.

Breathing in deeply, I began.

"So, you know how Sakura-chan's pregnant, ne?"

Sasuke nodded, listening intently.

"And you know how pregnant people crave things?"

Sasuke nodded, still listening intently.

"So, Sakura-chan's craving penises, apparently. And whatever she craves, I have to eat. So since she's craving penises, I'll have to eat those. And I don't want to." I finished.

"Hmm…" Sasuke began, scratching his chin.

"So you'll help me?" I asked hopefully.

"Sorry, dobe. Can't help you. Guess you'll have to eat the penises." He shrugged, turning away from his 'brother'.

"UWAH? SASUKE-TEME, THAT'S NOT HELPING! I DON'T WANNA EAT PENIS!" I shouted at my 'brother', very scared.

"Did somebody mention **penis**?" Came the unforgettable voice of Sasuke's replacement, Sai.

"Oh, DAMN. Could this day get **any worse**?" I shouted angrily to the sky.

"Aw, what's the matter, Naruto-kun? Are ya not happy to see me? That depresses me so." Sai said, feigning sadness.

"No. I'm not." I growled.

"What if I said, I could help with your penis problem…" Sai prompted.

"Well in that case…of **course** I'm happy to see you! Now, tell me. What do I do?" I asked greedily.

Sai beckoned me over, and revealed the secret. Sasuke eagerly followed, curious to hear the idea.

Grinning, I looked at Sai and Sasuke, who were both in on the idea.

"Thanks, Sai! I would have never thought of this! I actually respect you now!" I said, running home.

Sai grinned, and Sasuke mumbled something about being willing to show **his** penis to Sakura, and how Naruto was a lucky bastard.

* * *

_Back at the Hokage's mansion…_

"Sakura, I'm HOME! AND I GOT YOU WHAT YOU WANTED!" I called from downstairs. Sakura immediately shut the television and hustled downstairs, hungrily awaiting her peas. When she got down there, however, she didn't see her peas. Instead, what she saw was…my penis, and the huge grin on my face

All was quiet for a few moments, as my smile faded slightly.

Then, my Sakura-chan started to laugh. She began laughing so hard, while I simply looked at her in confusion.

"N…Naruto! What is the meaning of this…this so insanely hot…I mean unacceptable gesture?" She stammered, trying and failing to control her hormones, which were raging now.

"Well, you wanted a penis so bad, well…here it is!" I replied cheerfully, pointing to mine.

All was silent for a few moments, until

"I wanted **peas**, you baka, not **a penis.** Now go back and get me** peas!**" She shouted at me. I quickly pulled up my pants and raced out of the house.

"That was…hot…" She murmured to herself happily as she sat down, reliving that moment._Five minutes later…_

"Sakura-chan, I'm back. And I've got peas this time." I panted as I re-entered my house

Sakura, whose hormones have calmed down, lowered the volume of the TV and demanded that I began to cook the peas.

I sighed as I entered the kitchen. I hate peas with a passion, have I mentioned that? Now that I think about it, I would have preferred penises. She definitely would have been easier to deal with…

* * *

**A/N: If I were Sakura, I'd rather be craving penises (+shot'd+). I really have nothing important else to say, except for the apology that the chapter's kind of short. Whatever, I said they'd be short. Also, yes. Sasuke is back. If you have any issues with that, please report to me directly.**

**And now, for some SHAMELESS ADVERTISING!**

**Do you enjoy my fanfiction? Do you think it's entertaining? Wish to see more of an artistic side to this lovable author? Then check out…**

**http semicolon // doxeh dot deviantart dot com****TO SATISFY ALL YOUR ARTISTIC NEEDS! (replace all words with their respective .s, and :s.)**

**Next Chapter: Nosotros Hablamos Chinese! At Midnight!**

**Read**_Enjoy_Review


	3. Nosotros Hablamos Chinese! At Midnight!

**A/N: I'm checking the obituaries to see if I've died yet. Nope, not yet. Seriously though, I haven't died yet. And by the way, I have a small request. If you're going to add this and other stories to your story alert lists/favorite my stories, then please drop a review as well. Your reviews make my day, and I wish to see all the readers reviewing. **

**Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby?**

**Disclaimer: Instead of listing what I don't own, how about I list what I do own. I own Baby Uzumaki, I own Que Hora Es, and I own Juan and Juanita. Do you want to know what that is? Well, read the story and find out.**

**Month 3: Nosotros Hablamos Chinese! At Midnight!**

* * *

_Month 3_

"HAHA! YES! YES! BEGONE, STRANGE FOODS! NOW, SAKURA CANNOT CRAVE YOU ANYMORE!" I shouted gleefully, throwing giant bags of assorted foods out of a window. First, went the nachos and cheese. After I threw the nachos out, I threw the peas, and the spinach, which Sakura decided she was craving after four weeks on the nachos. I can only thank God that the Spinach craving only lasted two days, because if there's anything I hate more than peas, it's probably spinach. Grinning, I reveled in my heaven.

"N…Naruto…Wake up, Naruto…I need you to do something for me…" The familiar voice of my wife brought me out of my amazing dream and back into the blurred reality that was my bedroom.

"Y…yeah? What do you want?" I asked her groggily, rubbing my eyes

"Well…hehe…" She began.

"I want you to get me some Chinese food." She said, and I immediately whipped my head around to face my wife, who I have to say, still hasn't lost it, even though she's pregnant.

"Say what? Chinese food? Sakura-chan, its midnight, for God's sake!" I shouted at her.

"I know. But I can't wait until morning. I need it **now**." She insisted, looking at me with that infamous 'puppy dog look' that I hated. Must resist...must resist...damn it, can't resist.

"Fine." I muttered, getting out of bed and slipping on a shirt and sweatpants.

"What do you want?" I asked her, as I put my sandals on.

"Lomein, beef and broccoli, and an egg roll." She told me with a happy tone in her voice. "And fortune cookies! Don't you **dare** forget the fortune cookies or so help me you will sleep on the couch for a MONTH!" She demanded angrily.

"Yes ma'am. Tch, how troublesome…" I muttered before realizing what words had escaped my mouth. I mentally slapped myself. 'Troublesome? Since when did I say troublesome? Damnit, I'm starting to sound like Shikamaru! I can't be like **Shikamaru**." I groaned as I left my house in search of a Chinese Restaurant that was open at midnight.

* * *

After wandering for minutes at end, I finally found a restaurant. I warily entered it, to find no customers.

"Hello…? Is anyone in here?" I called out, waiting for a response. None came. Or at least…not until…

"HOLA! AND WELCOME TO QUE HORA ES! WE'VE GOT THE BEST CHINESE RESTURANT WITH THE BEST CHINESE FOOD THAT KONOHA HAS TO OFFER!" A man shouted happily, scaring the crap out of me.

"…I'm sorry. D…do you guys sell Chinese food?" I asked awkwardly, looking at the man.

"But of course! But first…como te llamas, mi amigo? Me llamo Juan." Juan introduced himself.

Before I could say anything in reply, Juan called out to someone.

"JUANITAAAAA!"

"Si, Juan?" A woman, who looked about the same age as Juan, came out of the kitchen.

"Ella es Juanita. Soy Juan. Nosotros Hablamos Chinese!" Juan announced proudly.

"At…midnight?" I asked, clearly confused.

"All the time!" Juanita announced, equally as proud as her male friend.

"Okay, there's definitely something fishy about you guys. I don't even speak Chinese, and I know that 'como te llamas' and 'Nosotros Hablamos' are **not** part of that language." I concluded, eyeing them suspiciously.

"Que?" Juan asked.

"THAT'S NOT CHINESE!" I shouted angrily at the two, scaring them a bit.

"How would **you** know? You don't **speak** Chinese." Juan scoffed.

"Maybe I don't…but I know that you don't either. Can I just freaking order my food? I'm so exhausted." I asked, losing my patience.

"We do not take orders from men who do not believe the authenticity of our Chinese speaking skills." Juanita hissed.

"Oh…oh really. If I were you, I'd let me order my food…or I'll shut this restaurant down." I threatened.

"Really. Who do you think you are, the Hokage?" Juan sneered

I was about to open my mouth and brag about my Hokage powers, and how I was the Hokage of Konoha but was interrupted.

"HOLA! HOLA, JUAN, JUANITA, COMO ESTAS USTEDES?!" Sai shouted happily as he strolled into the restaurant, greeting those…those **freaks** in that strange, foreign language. Crap. Now, my night is officially ruined.

"DAMNIT! WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE HERE" I shouted angrily at the ceiling.

"Naruto-kun, seriously. You really depress me. Do you not enjoy my presence?" Sai asked me, hugging me slightly, which made me cringe.

"NO! I HATE SEEING YOU! I ESPECIALLY HATE SEEING YOU WHEN IT'S MIDNIGHT, AND MY WIFE IS CRAVING FREAKING CHINESE FOOD!" I shouted, hopefully scaring Sai.

"Oh…Sakura-chan is craving Chinese? Well, tell me what she wants, and I'll order it for you. Seeing as how Juan-kun and Juanita-chan hate you…what did you do, Naruto? Did you insult their Chinese speaking skills?" Sai asked, with a reprimanding tone.

"How…how do you know those two wackjobs? And THEY DON'T SPEAK CHINESE!" I shouted.

"Are you kidding? Ino and I **love** the food here at Que Hora Es! We've been coming here since we started dating. And I've been coming here for way longer than that." Sai said proudly.

"Well, do me a **freaking**favor and order me my food. Then, maybe seeing you won't ruin my day anymore. Oh, I want Lomein, Beef and Broccoli and an Egg Roll. Oh, and don't you **dare** forget the fortune cookies."

Sai nodded, and ordered. Since Juan and Juanita loved him so much, the fact that he was ordering outside the 'norm' was brushed aside. Sai gave me the food (which had the fortune cookies, just so you know), and we were off.

"Gracias, and I hope you enjoyed your stay, here at QUE HORA ES!" Juan shouted happily.

"Ooh, they're not going to be happy when they heard they messed with the**Hokage**…" I said, grinning sadistically, with millions of different plans racing through my mind relating to how I was going to shut down Que Hora Es…

"Aw, Naruto-kun…Please don't shut down Que Hora Es…I love Juan-kun and Juanita-chan…" Sai wailed.

"Fine, I won't shut it down. But only because you ordered Sakura-chan her food. But they will be facing the consequences." I threatened.

Sai shrugged and made his way home. I proceeded to do the same.

* * *

_Back at the Hokage Mansion…_

"Sakura-chan, I'm back, with your…" I began, but then realized that she was asleep.

"I…I don't believe it. You're asleep, Sakura-chan. I brought you your**damn** Chinese, and you're asleep. You're just doing this to spite me, aren't you? As if I haven't gone through enough tonight, with that damn Que Hora Es crap." I said angrily, talking to my sleeping wife.

"Hm…hn…what? Who woke me up…Naruto? Why did you wake me up?" She asked, as her voice slowly turned from sleepy to angry.

"I brought you your Chinese food. And I have the fortune cookies." I said, grinning wearily.

"YAY! Now, come on Naruto-kun, let's eat." She said greedily, as we began to eat.

I can't lie, this stuff is actually pretty good. Perhaps I won't shut down Que Hora Es with my Hokage powers...yet...

* * *

**A/N: END.OF.CHAPTER. Hey, any of you guys Warriors fans? If not, then it's okay. However, if you are, then please check out my first piece in the fandom, Gut Feeling! If you like outside the norm Warriors love, then please check it out.**

**Thank you Gnosismaster for betaing 8D.  
**

**Yes, in this fiction, Naruto hates Sai. But that hatred will go away by the end, I swear. And no, my Spanish speaking is not great, so if there are any mistakes, I'm in Spanish I for God's Sake!**

**Next Chapter: The Ultrasound of Doom.**

**Read**_Enjoy_Review


	4. The Ultrasound of DOOM

**A/N: I'm checking the obituaries to see if I've died yet. See my name there? There it is. I died from 'NaruSaku muse is dead disease." The symptoms of this disease include:**

**-The entrance of Yaoi into my life  
-The entrance of Bleach and IchiRuki into my life  
-The entrance of ItaSasu in particular into my life  
-ShikaTema and ItaSasu taking over my brain as my OTPs  
-The re-entrance of MirSan and InuYasha back into my life**

**But luckily, with the help of my two BIFFS Iku and Cookie, and the fact that I've had two weeks off, I have been cured, and am back with another chapter!**

**But seriously, I'm so sorry for not updating. Hopefully, this chapter will contain enough funny, to make up for the long wait.**

**BY THE WAY…Jiraiya is not dead in this AU.  
RIP JIRAIYA!**

**Summary:****Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby[NaruSaku[First fic, go easy please D:**

**Disclaimer: I own…Baby Uzumaki, Hatake Ichigo, Matsumoto Asuka, Inoue Ken and Hyuuga Hayate.**

**Month 4: The Ultrasound of DOOM!**

* * *

"This is unbelievable. Kakashi-sensei, I don't want to baby-sit your stupid genin team today. I've got more important things to do." I exclaimed angrily.

"Really, Naruto. It's a great way to get out of paperwork…" Kakashi said, grinning slyly at me.

"Sure, sure. I don't particularly care about that. But…Sakura's got her first official visit to Tsunade-baachan today, and I kind of need to be there." I said, scratching my head.

"Come on, Naruto. How long can watching a few kids mowing a lawn take? Anko needs me for something today anyway. Something relating to Ichigo, I'm not particularly sure. Anyway, thanks for covering for me! You should get going, 'cause they've been expecting me for a bit." Kakashi said, laughing then disappearing into thin air.

"Damnit, KAKASHI-SENSEI! GET BACK HERE! I order you to get back here! I outrank you, remember?! KAKASHI! HATAKE KAKASHI!" I shouted, but it didn't help. The copy-nin was long gone, leaving me there alone, officially in charge of his team. Sighing, there was nothing else I could do. I just hoped they had an easy enough mission so that I could get to Sakura. I mean I **had** to. I was her husband for God's sake.

"Hm…what are they doing, anyway?" I asked myself, and looked at the mission sheet. They were mowing a couple of lawns, which was a D-Rank mission.

'Eh, this can't take **too** long. I mean, they're mowing freaking lawns. I'll do this, **and**get to Sakura on time. This'll be easy, dattebayo!' I thought happily as I left the Hokage tower, satisfied and happy

* * *

_At some bridge in Konoha…you know…the one where Team 7 used to wait for Kakashi…_

"Damnit. Where's that damn sensei of ours, Inoue? I want to start training, and I want to start now!" Matsumoto Asuka asked angrily.

"Easy, easy Asuka-chan. You know how sensei is. He's always late." Inoue Ken said, shrugging. He was a carefree boy, and was indifferent to Kakashi.

Hyuuga Hayate nodded wordlessly, white eyes scanning the area for their missing sensei.

"Yeah, sure. Always late. I need to train! I need to go on missions! I need to get **stronger!**" Asuka shouted at her teammate. Ken fired back a retort, which only angered Asuka further. The two began to fight, while Hayate tried to stop the two, but failed.

"Hey guys. So this is Kakashi-sensei's team." I said, interrupting the two morons fighting.

"You're not Kakashi-sensei! Who are you, and what have you done with our sensei?" Asuka asked angrily.

I threw her a dirty look, and then turned to look at Ken and Hayate.

"Hokage-sama. You're our sensei today?" the poor boy asked quietly. I nodded back at him. So this was Kakashi-sensei's new genin team. Two ordinary children and a Hyuuga.

"Yep, I'm your sensei. Also, I suggest you don't get your hopes up, 'cause today we're mowing lawns." I said, looking at the sheet that Kakashi-sensei gave me.

"WHAT? MOWING LAWNS? ARE YOU KIDDING?" Asuka asked angrily, she charged at me. Ken had to hold her back to keep her from ripping me apart.

"Jesus, Asuka! He's the Hokage! You can't rip him apart!" Hayate wailed quietly, waving his hands in an attempt to stop.

"Psh…fine. Let's mow those damn lawns…" Asuka hissed, stomping away from the bridge. Ken and Hayate followed suit, and I brought up the rear, laughing to myself.

* * *

_At the house whose lawn the team is mowing…_

"So, Hokage-sensei…you're having a baby?" Inoue Ken asked me, eyes wide. He stopped mowing his section of the lawn, and leaned against the mower.

I nodded vigorously. "Yes I am. And today, I'm supposed to go to see the doctor about the baby as well. I just…don't…know…when." I swore.

"Wait…Hokage-sensei. You're actually **having** a baby? How can that be possible?" Hyuuga Hayate asked, confused.

"Well…I'm pretty sure you should know how by now, Hayate-san. I mean, your parents **have** given you the talk, right?" I asked him.

"Hayate, you moron! Hokage-sensei's not **pregnant**; his **wife,**Sakura-sanis the one having the baby!" Matsumoto Asuka shouted at him, punching him on the forehead.

"Wait…Hayate; you thought Hokage-sensei was pregnant with a baby? He's just going to be a father. Wow, you're such a loser." Ken snorted, voicing my exact thoughts. Well, except for the loser part.

Hayate hung his head in shame, and returned to his mowing.

"Come on, guys. He was confused. Give him a break and apologize to him too." I scolded, and Asuka and Ken muttered their apologies. Hayate forgave them, and all was right.

We then spent the next few hours talking, and slowly mowing that lawn. Time flew by, and none of us noticed…_Later that day…_

"Wow, it's getting kinda late, Hokage-sensei. I think you missed your appointment with your wife about your baby." Ken said, looking at the clock in my office as we waited for Kakashi to return.

"Nonsense! It's only…FIVE O'CLOCK!" I shouted, staring at the same clock.

Asuka laughed "You completely forgot about your appointment, didn't you, Sensei?"

"YES, I DID! Oh God, Sakura-chan's going to **kill** me!" I shouted, and ran out of the building and straight back to my house. That's probably where she was, anyway. I mean, where else would she be?_The Hokage Complex…_

"Hello…Sakura-chan…you home?" I asked, calling into the dark house. No response came.

"Guess not…" I muttered, turning on the lights. In front of me, was a note. It read:

_Naruto,  
I'm at Sai and Ino's house for dinner. Shikamaru, Temari, Chouji and his fiancée are there as well.. I'm not going to tell you about the baby because you neglected to join me at my first ultrasound, therefore you missed Tsunade-shishou tell all the information. I can't believe you didn't come! What in the hell could you have possibly been doing that made you forget about this? We've had it planned for a while now, and you should have been here. By the way…you're fucking dead._

_All my love,  
Sakura-chan_

"Shit…I'm so screwed." I moaned, setting the note down and putting my face in my palms.

"Well…I need to go explain myself, and blame Kakashi-sensei for this. To Ino and Sai's house, AWAY!" I grinned, racing out of my house and to Ino and Sai's. This was gonna be great._Ino and Sai's house…_

"That sounds absolutely wonderful, Sakura-chan! Are you excited for the upcoming months?" Ino asked as the three couples plus Sakura sat down for dinner.

"Well…not exactly. Especially if Naruto's going to skip out on these important meetings with the doctor regarding our baby's health…" She muttered biting into her meat. Ino sighed, and the meal was silent for a while.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it." Sai said, pushing his chair in, and going to get the door.

"Whoever it is, it better be good. I just sat down for…hey dickless. You're wife is pretty pissed at you, you know." Sai greeted me with a wave.

"Shut the hell up, Sai. It's all Kakashi-sensei's fault." I muttered.

"Really now. It's Kakashi's fault that you bailed on your first ultrasound?" Sai asked me, raising his eyebrows.

"Yep. I had to babysit his genin team while he was probably out nailing his wife." I hissed.

"WHO'S AT THE DOOR, SAI-KUN?" Ino shouted.

"Oh, it's just Dickless McDitcher-Pants. Nobody special." Sai responded. I promptly punched him in the face.

"WHO?" Sakura called, confused.

"Your husband." Sai replied, on the floor.

"Oh. Well then…" Sakura said, pushing in **her** chair and getting up.

"Well…it's time for you to explain yourself, Uzumaki Naruto." I froze as a**very, very** angry Uzumaki Sakura came marching on over to look me in the eye.

"Look. Let me tell you the **whole** story." I said, laughing nervously.

"It better be damn good." She hissed at me.

"You see…" I began.

"Kakashi-sensei barged into my office, asking me to babysit his genin team while he did something with Anko. Now with Kakashi-sensei being Kakashi-sensei, he was probably having sex with her. But he said he was doing something with his son. It's probably bullcrap. His son is really cute. I actually saw him not too long ago. He looks like a mini-Kakashi now. But that's not the point. So I was well aware that we had this meeting today, but he left before I could say anything. All we were doing was mowing lawns, and I was thinking 'How long can **that** take?' but I was SO wrong. We ended up spending the whole day there because Inoue Ken, Hyuuga Hayate and Matsumoto Asuka, the kids on his team, kept on asking me these random questions, and the time just flew by. Also, I didn't even have the time with me. None of this would have happened if Kakashi hadn't bothered me, so it's totally his fault." I finished, pouting.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at me. "It's not all Kakashi-sensei's fault, you know. It's your fault for being stupid, forgetful, and plain old troublesome. You missed a lot, anyway. It was so great, I heard its heartbeat…And I wished that you were there to hear it with me…" Sakura said sadly.

"Oh…oh God, I didn't know…oh Sakura-chan…I'm so sorry…" I murmured, taking her into a hug. "I won't do it again. I swear. You and the baby are my number one priorities. On the day of our next meeting with baa-chan, if Kakashi-sensei bothers me again, I'll shoot him with a machine gun." I vowed, hugging her tightly.

"That's wonderful, Naruto…but what's a machine gun?" Sakura asked me, confused.

"Exactly." I beamed, kissing her quickly. "Now, let's eat. I'm starving."

"So am I…but…I'm not in the mood for meat. I'm seriously craving…lasagna. And trust me, Naruto. I still haven't forgotten. Consider this as your…punishment for bailing on me, Dickless McDitcher-Pants" She said, looking at me slyly. I swear I heard Shikamaru and Temari burst out into laughter back by the table.

Shit. She knows how much I **hate** lasagna.

* * *

**A/N: It's DONE! Yeah, so you learned about two other pairings I support in there. It's ShikaTema and KakaAnko. You already knew about SaiIno, and if not…well I also like SaiIno! So I hope you kids who are not fans of the couples I listed above, but still NaruSaku fans still stick with me! Because I'm that cool, and that paranoid. **

**By the way...I'm totally new with the whole 'Proper times to get a checkup.' But I have to assume that 4 months is the time when the mother gets her first true ultrasound, right? If not, feel free to tell me. And by the way...this is AU in the sense that ultrasounds exist. **

**Thanks to Sarie-chan for beta'ing!  
**

**Next chapter: Ramen Battle! Naruto vs. Sakura**

**Read**_Enjoy_Review


	5. Ramen Battle! Naruto vs Sakura

**A/N: Hey guys, I'm back!**

**I'm like legit sorry I died. I just had a lot of shit to do, and my NaruSaku/COMB muse just died, and I never updated. But its Spring Break now…**

**Anyway, moving on…!**

**And now, to bring up the ultimate topic…**

**FANART! (Because I ****know**** you all are just ****dying**** to draw me some)**

**Anyway, if you want to draw fanart for this **_**lovely**_** fanfiction, just PM me or tell me in a review, and I'll say yes!  
Because I LOVE FANARTS ROFL.**

**Summary: Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, has overcome countless hardships, faced many Akatsuki members, and even dealt with the Kyuubi almost killing him. But will he be able to handle a baby? NaruSaku**

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING rofl**

**Month 5: Ramen Battle! Naruto vs. Sakura!**

And so, we have now made our way into the fifth…yes, I said fifth, month of this beautiful, yet torturously troublesome adventure called pregnancy. Shit, did I just say troublesome again?

I'm sure you're all just **dying **for a recap of just **what** I went through so far.

Well, you're not getting one.

Anyway, but regardless of whether she's craving something obscure or not, Uzumaki Sakura has made it her duty to brutally torture me throughout this pregnancy.

Recently, her pregnancy bump had been starting to protrude (and now, we were able to **tell** that she was pregnant), and all I heard from her were complaints of how fat and ugly she was.

I **tried** to tell her that she wasn't fat, and that she was beautiful, but all that earned me was a punch in the face courtesy of one hormonal psychopath.

And **then**, there was her incessant need to pee. During important meetings, during baby shopping, during dinner with our friends, during sex, during **everything**!

So here I am, sitting in my study, rubbing the newest addition (which was another black eye) to my collection of battle scars that I gained as a result of this pregnancy. Surprisingly, the ones from the first trimester have all healed up. But it's not like new ones didn't take their places. Seriously, she once threw a chair at me. That hurt like **hell**.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Shit…

Sakura shouted my name loudly, snapping me out of my thoughts. I had a feeling that she was angry. It must be the tone of voice.

"Yes, dear?" I called back, hesitating a bit, and bracing myself out of habit.

"Come down please. I want to talk to you." She replied cheerfully. Damn those mood swings of hers.

"Oh…alright then." I said, descending the stairs to find my five-months-pregnant wife standing at the bottom of the staircase, hands on her hips.

I reached the bottom of the stairs, and scratched my head in blatant confusion.

"What do you need?" I asked.

"Naruto…I'm hungry."

Oh, shit. The two words of doom, destruction and death that have made my life a living hell since the "penis" comment.

"You're…hungry?" I asked, for clarification.

She nodded her head slowly, implying that I was an idiot.

"What…do you want to eat?" I asked hesitantly, getting ready for an onslaught of obscure, disgusting food.

"Ichiraku Ramen."

Oh, shit. Did she just say Ichiraku's? I thought she **hated** Ichiraku's!

"Did…did you just say Ichiraku's?" I asked mouth agape.

"No. I said Ichiroku's, Naruto. Of **course** I said Ichiraku's!"

"Don't you hate Ichiraku's, Sakura-chan?" I asked again.

"Well…yes…but….you **know** how I work, Naruto." She said, exasperated.

I did everything in my power to keep myself from squealing in delight as I picked up my wife and twirled her around the room.

"Oh, Sakura-chan! My life is complete! You actually **want** to go to Ichiraku's with me!" I said joyously.

"N…Naru…" She began.

"What, my dear Ramen-loving Sakura-chan?" I asked in a sing-song voice.

"Put.Me.Down. Before I kill you and/or throw up on you." She threatened.

"Oh…well then." I said, putting her down.

"Let's go!" I then said, and dragged my bewildered wife out of the room and to the Ramen store.

_At Ichiraku's…_

"Naruto-kun! Sakura-chan! What are you doing here?" Yamanaka Ino's cheerful voice rang through the ramen shop as we entered the stand, and sat down next to our friends.

"Sakura-san, I thought you hated ramen." Sai who had just finished his first bowl, and was currently chewing on his chopsticks, asked.

"Well…yeah…but you **know** how I work, right Sai?" She said, sitting down.

"Well, I guess so, but ramen, Sakura-san?" Sai asked, raising an eyebrow. Sakura shrugged, and I laughed as we ordered our ramen.

Minutes later, it was brought to us. Sakura dove into her ramen, while I shouted my usual 'Itadakimasu!' before beginning to devour.

"Oi, dobe!"

"Naruto-kun, Sakura-chan!"

That must be good ol' Uchiha Sasuke, and Hyuuga Hinata, who appeared oh so conveniently at the same time. Yep. It was. He walked into the stand, and promptly took a seat next to me, and Hinata sat next to my wife.

"Heya, Sasuke-teme, whatcha doin here?" I asked, strands of noodles hanging from my mouth. I slurped them up into my mouth and licked my lips and looked at him.

"Swallow your ramen, and then talk to me, dobe." Sasuke hissed, sitting down and ordering a miso ramen.

"I thought you hated ramen, you bastard." I pouted.

"I thought your wife hated ramen too. I see I'm wrong." Sasuke smirked, as he turned to watch Sakura as she devoured bowl after bowl of ramen.

"…wow…" I whispered, clearly awed.

"I never knew she could eat so much ramen…" Sai whispered.

Sasuke merely nodded as we watched. It was eerily silent for a few moments, until Sasuke broke it. Now that I think about it, I really, **really** wish he didn't…

"Who do you think can eat more ramen? You, Naruto or your wife?" He asked.

"Wh…what?" I asked, flabbergasted.

"Yeah. Who do you think would eat more ramen, Sai? Naruto or Sakura?" Sasuke asked.

"Definitely Sakura." Sai said, nodding his head.

"No way! I can eat more ramen then Sakura ever can." I boasted.

"Sure you can. I say that if you and Sakura hold a contest, she'll out-eat you until you barf." Sai smirked.

"Wanna take a bet on that, you stupid idiot?" I sneered.

"Fine. Let's bet. And if I win, then I get to take your wife on a date." Sai said, extending his hand.

"Fine. And if I win, I get to take Ino on a date." I said, shaking it, feeling extra-super confident.

A ramen-eating contest? This was gonna be super easy. If I was blessed with any specialty as Hokage of this place, it **definitely **was the ability to eat a shitload of ramen.

Getting up, I walked over to my wife, who was happily chatting with Hinata-chan and Ino-chan.

"Sakura-chan?" I asked, tapping her on the shoulder.

"Hm…oh yeah, Naruto?"

"Wanna have a ramen eating contest with me? I mean, not like you'd out-eat me or anything…" I said smugly.

"Really now. You think that you can out-eat me in a ramen contest?" Sakura asked innocently.

"Yup. I'd eat the crap outta you." I said, placing my hands on my hips.

"Wanna take a bet on that, tough guy?" She asked, glaring at me.

Another one? Goddamnit, these bets are coming by the motherload! Ah well…anything to humiliate Sai.

"Hell yeah. What do I get if I win?" I asked.

"A free reprieve for one food." She said, nodding her head in approval, and I pumped my fist into the air.

"Sounds like a plan!" I said happily, shaking her hands.

"_Wait_ a minute, Hokage-sama. What if **I** win this?" Sakura asked, eyeing me slightly.

"Um…you…win…" I began, scratching my head.

"You make…whatever you want for dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Tch, whatever." She huffed, shaking my hand.

And with that, the two of us sat down, and got ready to eat. Teuchi and Ayame were already working on the ramen supply for the contest.

Meanwhile, the Sasuke, Sai, Ino and Hinata had gathered around, and were now discussing the betting pool they were making.

"So…Naruto and Sakura are having a contest, eh. My bet's on Sakura kicking his ass. I'm betting 10000 ryo." Ino said confidently.

"I say Dickless surrenders out of pity. My bet is 20000 ryo." Sai grinned.

"I say they tie. And I'll bet 9000 ryo." Sasuke nodded.

"I say Naruto-kun wins. But I won't bet any money." Hinata piped up.

"Tch, spoilsport." Ino huffed, and turned to watch the couple, blissfully unaware of a possible date with the Hokage if he were to win.

"On your mark…get set…GO!" Teuchi shouted, and we both dove into our ramen.

"I didn't know they could eat so…so **fast!"** Hinata said, in awe of how fast the ramen was going.

"Come on, Sakura-chan…win…win…" Sai whispered, moving his fists up and down.

Sasuke and Ino were laughing, and enjoying the show.

We ate bowl after bowl and shoved ramen down our throats. Finally, I gave in. I just was physically not able to do this anymore. I mean, as much as I loved ramen to death, the 18 bowls I had just ate, combined with the 6 I had had before was just too much for me to handle. Hokage or not, I just couldn't take the strain. I was done. Uzumaki Naruto, Rokudaime Hokage, was out.

Groaning, I pushed my half-eaten miso ramen bowl away, and clutched my stomach. Surely, Sakura-chan had to have finished by now.

I turned my head to stare at my wife, and she was…**still going?**

"Sakura-chan! You're still eating? What number bowl are you on?" I asked incredulously.

"Thirty, why? I can still keep on going though." She replied, with noodles in her mouth.

"And here I thought **I** loved ramen…" I murmured, in awe.

"What's the matter, Naruto-kun? You can't eat anymore? She teased, wagging a chopstick in my general direction.

Groaning, I sighed. "I guess…I guess I lost the contest." I muttered.

"YES! I won!" Ino shouted, jumping up.

"YES! I won!" Sai shouted, jumping up.

"YES! I…wait. How did **you two **win?" Sakura asked, turning to gaze at her two friends.

"Well…they sorta-kinda held a betting pool…" Hinata began.

"**What?** A **betting** pool?" Sakura asked angrily.

"B…but…but I didn't participate, I promise, Sakura-chan!" Hinata said,

Ino grinned hungrily as Sasuke and Sai reluctantly handed their money. Hinata grinned, mentally thanking herself for not participating and losing any money.

Sakura then turned to face Sai. "So…why did **you** say you won?" She asked, glaring at the artist.

"Ask Dickless, not me. I'll just get started preparing for our date." He said, grinning his infamous grin.

"Our…date…?" She asked, shocked. She then turned around to stare at me.

I think I shit my pants, what with the glare she was giving me.

"Uzumaki Naruto…what the fuck did you do with Sai?" She asked me, ever so quietly.

"I…um…" I began.

"They bet that whoever was to win the contest, they would go on a date with the winner's significant other. Like, since you won, Sakura-chan, you're going on a date with Sai." Sasuke explained, and Sai grinned.

"And if Naruto won, then he and **Ino** would have gone on a date." Sasuke explained.

"**What? **Why the fuck to **I **have to get involved with your stupid games?" Ino asked angrily.

"Sorry, Ino-chan!" I said sheepishly.

"I can't **believe** you, Naruto! Making me go…on a date…with…with **him!**" She shouted at me, pointing at Sai, and shuddering.

"Hey, I resent that, Sakura-chan." He said, feigning hurt.

"Come on, Naruto. Let's go home." She said angrily, and dragged me by the ear out of Ichiraku's, and back to our house.

"Bye, Naruto-kun! Bye Sakura-chan!" Hinata shouted, waving.

Unfortunately, we couldn't wave back…

_Later…_

"Naruto?" Sakura asked me quietly as we sat in our bed, her comfortable in the crook of my arm.

"Hmm?" I asked, as I was drifting off to sleep.

"Until the baby's born, I'm not allowing ramen within 32 feet of this household. I'm fucking sick of ramen." She murmured.

"What, what, **WHAT?"**

But she was already asleep.

And that my friends, was the worst battle scar of all.

**A/N: Finito! And finished while playing Brawl, too.**

**Next Chapter: You get to decide! I'm holding a poll to see what you guys want me to write for the next chapter.**

**If you're too lazy to look at my profile, here are the choices:**

**A wedding with Sakura angry at Naruto for "calling her fat"**

**Another Que Hora Es cameo **

**Naruto and Sakura talk with Neji and Hinata regarding pregnancy and children **

**A mission to Suna, giving Gaara and Kankurou deserved screentime. **

**Other (Tell me in a PM/Review) **

**Drop a review, or vote in the poll to decide! Happy voting!**

**Read**_Enjoy_Review


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